Super Bowl Sunday... the Bears have finally made it. Here I am, a long time fan since I was born. Only time I watch football is if the Bears are on, and here I sit, mind slowly sinking back into itself wondering "How the hell did I end up here? What is with me? Is there some all omnipotent answer here that I might just be missing? Or am I just having a bad week?" and all those other million dollar questions that love to blindside you like a brick on an idle Sunday morning.
I've been traveling the U.S. and made a few stops in other countries as well for the last couple of years, only now to end up in a small town in northern California, at least 100 miles away from another sort of civilization. All I've got to my name now is a bag of clothes with a few uniforms, a box full of books and gadgets, and the maddening feeling of how its never enough always one step behind me. Seemed like a romantic lifestyle in the beginning, but never ever felt like it. Just a lot of disappointments and uncertainty.
What really brought it on was I thought I had finally found a girl that might be it. We had fun, it was great, but slowly and sure enough, those doors into the closets slowly opened and we began revealing who we really were. Needless to say, it became a bummer. Though she was still madly in love with me, I just couldn't even muster the want to pretend to love her back. Heh, not sure if that is even a sentance, but it'll have to do for now.
Of course, in the end, I probably ripped her heart out. Hurts me just the same; no one needs ever to feel that way, let alone by my hand. Don't get me wrong, she was a great person aside from all the little peculiar things (which we've all got), but she just wasn't the one for me. Or so I thought.
Thats when doubt veered it's head at me and sneered, relishing in the delight that I was about to torture myself mentally for the next week wondering, "What if that was it?". What if she was the one, she was as good as it was going to get for finding my significant other? I never know, seems like every gal I've run across falls head over heels for me (pompous sounding I know, I'm just a nice guy though! That its! No Brad Pitt or who ever else would be a Prince Charming!), but I can never muster the same feelings in return.
I like to drink, I like to meet new people, see new places, and try new things. In the end I realize, the resulting culmintation is that I can't be a dependable nor stable when its comes to plans. "Here today, gone tomorrow." sort of thing. Maybe thats just my fate, we've supposedly all have one right? All I do know is that I've one hell of an honest streak.
Oh yeah... go Bears.
